Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
