we're chasing vodka with high fives
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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