honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
