dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
