just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We had sex on a dog bed..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
