He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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