Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
