he was CRYING into my vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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