oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
