you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
