You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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