told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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