i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
