Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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