theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
