she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
