I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
