Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
