just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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