I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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