i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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