Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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