you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
