The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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