I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
