I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
