Can i not drive my cunt home
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
