BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
