your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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