His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
