Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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