I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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