$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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