My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
