he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
