It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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