There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I look better un-naked...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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