its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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