Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well you can't waste a boner
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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