i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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