I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
