Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
