Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
