I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
