My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What drink are we having for lunch?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
