I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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