I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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