He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
