is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
