taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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