it was like eating out sand paper
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
