The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
