k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
