end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
