Pants 0. Shit 1.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
