made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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